Entering a values-focused autumn 🍂
Reflecting on choosing the 'right' opportunities and also some interesting things to share.
It’s been a full on few weeks. Autumn is always a busy period of time with work for me and this year has been no exception. It’s a season of change, of planning, of beautiful light and amber leaves. And as everyone returns to their computers, and to do lists, after summer adventures, it’s also a season where my inbox fills with increasing urgency.
The weather in the UK has been unseasonably warm for October (hi climate breakdown and goodbye El Niña). I’m always more drawn to the seasons of change, of Autumn and Spring, but this change in weather has thrown me off my rhythm. And I find without a dog to keep me grounded in the small changes day to day on my regular dog walks, I feel a little adrift as I try to reconnect to this new cycle. I’m exploring new ways to connect because we can’t go back - adaption is key.
Living my values
Elsewhere, I’ve been reflecting a lot on not just living but also vocalising my values. I turned down an opportunity to host a panel at an event recently because I felt like I would be endorsing the behaviour and attitude of a leader I had a not-so-pleasant interaction with and, perhaps more importantly, I would be endorsing their event. I was transparent as to why I was turning down the opportunity, but it was a hard decision because nothing is as simple as that.
For years, I have had a rule that I only work with people that I like (read ‘like’ as I believe they are nice people who have generally good intentions). In this situation, I wondered to myself, ‘How much difference does this actually make?’. And the usual thoughts, ‘Is it better to be in the room and be part of the conversation?’, ‘Am I missing out on opportunities by not going?’ and ‘Remember Soraya you do also need to get paid’. I also knew that there were a lot of passionate, inspirational people, many of them friends, attending or taking part - ‘Was I undermining their good work?’ I wondered. But at the end of the day, it didn’t sit right with me so I didn’t go.
I’m learning to sit with and listen to my inner voice. It means saying ‘no’ far more often than I’m used to, but I’m starting to understand the self trust this grows and the space it opens up for other more aligned opportunities. And the space for thought, as I’m not agonising over whether I’m doing the right or wrong thing while compromising my values. Does this mean I’ll never attend this event? No. Every moment and every opportunity is a new chance to review where I’m at, how I feel and what aligns. There is something wildly affirming about having that agency.
Turning down “opportunities”
I am actually turning down ‘work’ quite often these days. And I put work in inverted commas in this context because I’m talking about unpaid “opportunities”. I’ve talked and written about this extensively, and there is more to come, but I wanted to reflect on how I say no. I’ve started explaining why I’m turning each thing down and to begin with this felt just incredibly draining. Having to explain in 2023 why people should be paid for their time and also how this continues to exclude systemically marginalised groups from spaces, opportunities and conversations is tedious in the extreme. Especially when you are having to do it several times a week. And it often feels ick, like you are rocking the boat and causing conflict. But I had an epiphany the other day, a reframe. I decided to make it a generous act. This feedback is actually free consultancy - YOU ARE SO WELCOME. Maybe you didn’t realise this wasn’t ok, so I’m just going to let you know so you don’t make the same mistake in the future. I know, I’m so kind to give you my time for free to explain (because shocker writing emails also takes actual IRL time). I can’t explain why, but this reframe has made me feel so much better.
Things You Might Have Missed
And so, with that, I’ll finish this email by resurrecting one of the most popular features from my blog, which was ‘Things You Might Have Missed’ or TYMHM (see what I did there). This is essentially interesting things that I've seen, heard or read over the last few weeks that, since you are here, I think you might be interested in too.
- This is a fascinating short video on how AI makes biases worse by reinforcing stereotypes, both in terms of culture and profession. It’s not just about Barbie.
- Surprise! (Not really) Time spent in nature is found to be associated with pro environmental behaviours in this scientific study.
- Find out how sign language is adapting to climate change in this BBC article.
- I really enjoyed the insights from travel writer Monisha Rajesh on why posh white men who hate travel should maybe just stop doing TV shows about travelling. (Instagram link because the full article is behind the Independent paywall here.)
- Remember the Orca ‘attacks’ in the Straights of Gibraltar? Cetacean experts released an open letter to try to address some of the misconceptions.
- As the festival season wraps up, I found this article on how we normalise the throwaway behaviour at these events on point. When did leaving tents and rubbish for others to deal with become a ‘rite of passage’? And what are we teaching children by normalising it?
- I just recently discovered the powerful Race Card Project, where individuals give a six-word sentence to distill their thoughts about race.
- Leaders of groups can struggle to know how to approach situations where there is discrimination and bias. This blog from the New Forest Off Road Club provides advice in response to real-life scenario where a female cyclist had an assumption made about her based on her gender.
- And finally, these simple six steps to having tough conversations by Blair Imani is a great reminder that there are ways you can set yourself up for success.
I love to connect with likeminded people, so please reach out if you have thoughts you’d like to share. You can also find me on Instagram.
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